i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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