Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize