drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize