i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize