There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
