I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
