rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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