She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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