The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
i out mim tonsoeep
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