Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
