My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Randomize
