This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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