Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
