While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
