didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
