I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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