we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
