There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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