I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
