Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
