I can tuck mytits in my pants
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
