Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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