Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
