FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
