he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
