I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
