I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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