I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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