haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
