Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
