Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
