you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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