I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
