There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
