Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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