The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
