I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my being single is dangerous.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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