Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
