i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Randomize
