Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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