That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
