I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
