note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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