My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
