new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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