he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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