Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's shark week go big or go home
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
