can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize