Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
