I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
