I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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