You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
