I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
