I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
