So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
