Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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