She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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