Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
