My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
