There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
