i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Damn victory sex feels great
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
