Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
