He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
