i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
How naked do you want me to be?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
