I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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