I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Randomize
