He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
