By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize