so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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