ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
