it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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