he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
