I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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