If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize