Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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