help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
