Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We have started to decorate penises.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
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