so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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