6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
