I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You pole danced in your parka.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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